Thoughts

I don’t want to do anything right now

I don’t think I’ve lost my  motivation…but it’s definitely not running at full capacity. Or maybe I have lost my motivation but I need to believe it’s temporary.

There are always work things that don’t motivate — writing content on boring topics, responding to emails, blah, blah, blah.

There are always blog things that don’t motivate — updating old pages, working on long term projects (I love hitting publish and long-term stuff can feel like a grind, no matter how rewarding in the long term), and yes, responding to emails.

In both cases, this is the “work” of my life. Any motivation I feel is wanting to get it done so I can move onto the “good” stuff. I’m (usually) highly self-motivated and will do the crap work because I know I have to. (But it’s also the first place I procrastinate, too.)

And it makes sense to me that when I lose a bit of motivation, this is the stuff that’s harder to get done. Because it’s de-motivating even on a good day.

But not feeling motivated to do the work that matters to me sucks. I thought I was past the time of being scared of my own work so I don’t want to do it.

And the truth is…I’m not scared of my work and my goals. This isn’t imposter syndrome stopping me. I’m not panicking at the idea of blogging or podcasting.

I feel almost nothing. Apathetic. I just don’t wanna.

I’m blaming it on fatigue and borderline burnout. I need that to be true because the idea of losing my motivation mojo makes me nervous.

It’s got to be burnout because it’s not like I’m chomping at the bit to do something else. I just don’t want to do anything right now.

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