Thoughts

What I’m not doing

This has been a strange week.

We have a hurricane coming (I live in Florida, and it’s Labor Day weekend — so of course a hurricane is headed our way). That fact alone is enough to pre-occupy anyone, including someone like me who mostly shrugs at the news, but still fills up my gas tank, buys water, and makes sure we have a plan “just in case.”

I spend a day combining the vanilla life — errands, going to the gym, with my kink-creator life — recording vlog footage, livestreaming and podcasting. It was exhausting and exhilarating.

Another day was spent organizing all the things I’d neglected for too long in my vanilla life — renewing the kids health insurance (oops! I’m late EVERY year.), finding an optometrist for the kids’ eye appointments, emailing our tax accountant, organizing this, filing that. In the mix I actually forgot to do some daily client work — small things that could go undone for a day but it’s still completely unlike me.

On the day I’m writing this, I have another three hours of errands at mid-day and appointments this evening. Trying to get a bit of life done before the hurricane does whatever it’s going to do to Florida. (For us, it may be lack of power and gasoline for a few days — fingers crossed that’s all it will be.)

All of that sounds mundane, and it is.

But normally, I’d be panicking about all the things I haven’t gotten done. No blogging, no video editing, no smut reading. These things are all part of my routine. And as someone who perpetually tries to do Too Much™, the only thing that keeps all the plates spinning is the routine. Let one thing slide and it all falls apart.

I’m not panicking. Oh, I’m not happy that I feel completely behind, but the usual anxiety, self-doubt, self-recrimination, and mean girl talk in my head simply isn’t there.

I might try to catch up on Saturday instead. Maybe even Sunday. Hell, I might skip it for a week and admit that life interferes with the best laid plans and let it go.

But what I’m not doing is panicking. I don’t know if I’m delusional, apathetic, or growing as a human. I’d like to think it’s personal growth, but we’ll see. For now, I’m embracing the lack of panic because I simply don’t have time for it right now.

 

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