Messy Beginnings

I had grand plans about how I would start this new venture…or experiment — maybe it’s both. I imagined beginning on the first day of the month. Challenging myself to write every day. Coming up with witty musings full of insight.

Instead — I procrastinated. Told myself, “It’s not the right time yet. I want to start at the perfect time.” Which, of course, is a lie. There is almost never a perfect time to begin. Every new thing I’ve ever tried happened when I decided, “This is it” — usually because I was fed up with my own procrastinating.

So what exactly is this messy beginning?

I have a lot of thoughts about my smutlancing, freelancing life. Not skills to share, experiences to use as examples of what to (or not to) do, or technical explanations. These thoughts are musings. Things I think that I don’t always say. Stuff I need or want to figure out — about how I feel, the work I do, the industry (if it is indeed an industry) I’m in.

It’s not meant to educate, not directly, but maybe there’s something to learn. Maybe it’s another point of connection.

I’m a writer who thinks best when my fingers fly across a keyboard. And while I have many, many places to share what I think about things (see here, here, and here for a start), I wanted something else — a different space. A place for myself.

There will be no “Subscribe to my newsletter for a free thing” or “support me on Patreon if you like my work” here. I may share musings on both, but I need a place that’s pure. A place to think through the keyboard. If you want the technical details what to do, go to There’s plenty there, and yes, you can subscribe to a newsletter or join Patreon.

But here, I want to get back to the roots of my writing self. Blogging my thoughts. Sometimes I’ll contradict myself. I may even say things people disagree with. There’s a better than good chance that one day I’ll say I was wrong about something that I previously believed strongly in. I might be boring or amusing; I may be short and concise or long and wordy. Whatever it is will be me in the moment, a person navigating a field that barely exists with no instruction manual, no guarantee of anything, and a lot of dreams, hopes, and goals — as well as insecurities, worries, and fears.

If you follow this journey, welcome! If not, that’s okay. The point isn’t to gain a million followers who think I’m great. (Actually that sounds like a lot of pressure.)

I’m here to think, muse, maybe even dream. Maybe daily (ideally) but maybe not.

Could I add images, worry about my SEO, and promote the hell out of every piece of content across several channels? Yeah, I could. But I won’t (beyond an obligatory Twitter and Facebook autoshare).

It’s just me and a keyboard…and my musing thoughts.

This wasn’t the beginning I imagined, but like everything else I’ve started, it’s the one I needed. Here’s to messy beginnings — whenever they occur.

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